Raising Courageous Children
In today’s society, we are seeing higher numbers of children struggling with symptoms of anxiety. Often, these symptoms are interfering with the quality of their daily lives. There are so many contributing factors to these higher numbers. If you’re a parent, I’m sure you can probably think of a few off the top of your head. Our children are growing up in a completely different world from the one we grew up in. Ever felt anxiety in your parenting over addressing your children's anxiety? You’re not alone. Your parenting experience is more normal than you know!
What does the Bible say about this?
The Bible tells us that we are to be courageous and strong knowing that God is with us and that He is our strength (Joshua 1). We also know that he has given us a spirit of power, love and self-control, and not a spirit of fear (2 Tim. 4:5-7). If we believe that it is God who determines our identity, then we must be certain that He created us in His image, courageous and strong. Those are qualities we possess and need to model for our children as they grow and learn about who they are in relation to who God is!
Before we get to some practical pointers we must pause and remember: we serve the God who meets our kids with gentleness in their anxiety, and takes them to better places. Equally, we serve the God who comes behind you, the parent, when you feel ill-equipped and overwhelmed in this experience. We have the God of more grace!
3 Simple Steps to Help Children Grow in Courage
1. Repeat Big Truths
Give them simple truths to repeat regularly. Memorize or paraphrase something like Joshua 1:9, “Be strong and courageous for the Lord your God is with you always”, or “Everything starts out hard and gets easier.” It may be helpful to remind them that many of the fun things they enjoy now (swimming, biking, camping) started out a little scary, but looking back, it was worth it. Repetition is so important because we are forgetful people! Intense emotion can overcome our logic, so repetition helps strengthen logical reasoning and prepare it for when intense emotion strikes. This helps create new thought patterns for your child and gives them a practical tool in their anxious moments.
“…Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
— Joshua 1:9
2. Help Them Face Fear
One of the best ways to overcome anxious thoughts, feelings and behaviours, is to recall helpful truths. Have your child say out loud the big truths they identified earlier and repeat them together. Armed with that encouragement, help your child face their anxiety by taking small steps towards whatever is causing the worry. Anxiety grows with avoidant behaviour, which means that trying to avoid or ignore it simply does not work. In fact, it is the opposite. Ignoring anxiety appears to work in the moment, but with time, it only gets worse. As a parent, do all that you can to foster an environment where the whole family does hard things and faces anxiety-provoking situations together. This very act puts community around your child's anxiety and simultaneously increases the strength of your family unit! Be patient and remember that facing anxiety is a really difficult thing to do, so don’t forget to celebrate even the small successes.
3. Model Bravery
Model out loud for your children the steps you take when having to overcome anxiety for yourself. Our children often believe that grown-ups don’t experience anxiety and fear, which makes it difficult for them to feel validated and understood. Seeing you work out your own worry, doing hard things, and facing your fears will encourage them to take those steps for themselves. You do not have to worry about breaking their perception that you are perfect - they are your kid and they already know you do not have it all together! Pray with a thankful heart with your children as you face anxiety together, trusting that you will begin to experience a peace that surpasses understanding (Philippians 4). Doing this connects all of your hearts and creates concrete ways to encourage one another and pray together. Be a family that embraces facing your fears as a team. You’ll be surprised at the fun you can have as a family as you work on overcoming anxiety together.
These are just a few steps that can help children overcome worry and anxiety. There are some situations that require extra support. If you believe that might be you, please reach out to your local health care practitioner or church.
Written by Amy Scott, RSW., MSW.
Amy completed her Masters in Social Work at the University of Toronto, and has been counselling individuals, children and families for 18 years. She has a passion for working with young adults, adolescents, children and families. Currently, Amy is running Scott Counselling Services.
If you would like to find out more about her practice, please visit: scottcounsellingservices.com
Article main image by Josue Michel
Secondary image by Myles Tan
